it's the little things in life

twenty year old canadian girl whom doesn't really know what she is doing - trying to get it together and figure herself out.

went to the blood specialist

all the genetic tests came back negative (okay, whatever) so then i was like ‘k awesome so we’re done here?’ he’s like ‘nah, i need to send you for one more test which is to test for ….. ’ he said something awfully complicated and i was like ‘oh okay, sure’

i get the paper request lab form thing… it says TEST FOR LEUKAEMIA

like dude, i’m pretty sure if i had leukaemia i would know nah?

i’ve been having the most annoying stomach troubles lately

it varies between feeling sort of nauseous, having cramps, trouble breathing and my stomach hardening every time i eat something, and really bad heart burn.

obviously that sounds like pregnancy symptoms so i did take a test because i was like, easiest one to rule out. i’m not pregnant.

i thought maybe i was still having trouble with constipation so i bought a bunch of drugs to take to help and that did absolutely nothing.

last night i woke up with the WORST heart burn at 2 am, ate 7 tums and went back to sleep only to wake up again at 430 with worst heartburn so i chewed some more tums and my mom gave me some anti-acid medication.

now she’s making me take anti-acid medication every morning and night, and i am to eat only tiny portions at once to try and help my stomach.

it’s really annoying and painful and i always panic when my stomach hurts because my worst fear is barfing and obviously when you feel nauseous, i’m going to  freak lol

i’m going to call my doctor on monday and try to get an appointment this week - otherwise i may mention it when i go to the emerg this week

raclette for dinner <3

so i’m home for a week. 

which is SEMI exciting but at the same time not really because i have an appointment tuesday morning with the blood specialist to look over my test results and then wednesday at noon i have an appointment with my psychiatrist and then we’re thinking wednesday after the appointment going to the civic so i can be admitted in psych emergency to get assessed and hopefully on the waiting list for either the civic’s day program or the royal’s anxiety disorder program (which i think would be best for me) in the near future

but other than those shitty things, yes, being home is always nice

today’s workout, today’s lunch and today’s workout outfit


today was for waking up feeling semi-refreshed, watching way too many episodes of gossip girl while tidying up, writing out my grocery list, grocery shopping, stopping by joanns fabric for my sister, going on a walk and playing frisbee with jeff, making dinner and watching the biggest loser.

so my apartment is an upstairs apartment with a door on the side downstairs where you open it and it has stairs to go to my actual door downstairs.

both fedex and ups tried to deliver shit WHILE I WAS HOME but they only knocked on the bottom door (how the fuck am i going to hear that from upstairs) and left ‘you missed a package’ cards…

so i signed both and then put a beautiful note on my door that said ‘dear delivery men & women, PLEASE open this door, climb up the stairs and knock on my actual door because i’ve been home both times you’ve attempted to drop off packages - thank you’

that’s polite right?!

went for a walk and played frisbee. made sausage, peppers, onions & peppers for dinner

just got a phone call from the Hospital regarding the program

pretty much she told me ‘we can’t take referrals from a psychiatrist that isn’t working at the ottawa hospital so if you want to be approved, you must show up to psych emerg and be assessed’ 

that means i have to go to the emergency room at the civic, wait 4 hours before they admit me to psych emergency and then they assess me and they would be allowed, if they feel it necessary, to admit me as inpatient (which I DON’T WANT) and they don’t have to refer me to the program if they don’t feel it necessary’

so that’s fucking awesome